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Dialog

Memory … Keeping the database sane

Erasing the non value things

“I can never forget all that has happened over the period of time. Whenever I see them, it brings back all those moments of humiliation to me that my anguish becomes vigorous again.”
The above statements are true revelation of the pain and dilemma faced in the heart of someone very close to me. The broader outline of scene is a discussion or more of a preaching about forgetting the past and forgiving some near ones and move ahead on the relations with impartial approach. This topic is a recursive topic between two of us but I have never been able to convince for a change. When I hear the reason my emotions are always in confused state of pity and helplessness that is visible in person’s reaction.
If thought on a wider perspective this may be a very common scenario with all of us around. It makes me wonder on the kind of marvel human memory is. Had it not been the stored incidents in memory my arguments would have won the case long back. Memory is like an index that human brain maintains to keep referring continuously. We create memories around time, people, place and events in life.
As such, memory is a wide area to understand, it affects us in all ways. There is the procedural memory that guides our basic routine actions like the brushing pattern, lighting the stove etc.. Just imagine how tedious it would have been to learn the process every time we do. Therefore, it surely saves on conscious efforts and time by saving the information around the process.
However, our case above does not refer to any procedural memory but the reason behind that pain and anguish coming back again is the episodic memory we registered.
Episodic memories are associated with specific events; we may say every episodic memory have a central point associated with it. Some memories bring back the desire to go back to the time you once enjoyed, some that make you long for the company of people who gave you the happiness. With not all memories being that good, some may make you detest something or someone whenever it is in front of you or may be at the mention of it. It is not that our brain registers all the events in the memory block but some specific ones. Usually an event that connects to our deep self in good or bad way etches in our memory.
The connection that event had is usually very deep at psychological level and hence the memory associated with it also deeply associated with us. At times, such memories define our reactions to a level that astonishes us.
We keep referring to our experiences through the memory scan to decide on our behaviors and reactions in life. It is very common to see a behavior that derives from experience registered in memory than facts in hand. We create categories of good and bad in our heads and put everyone through the criterion to fall in one category. The irony here is the memory we had was with the specific element and not the whole group but we label the entire group. If we did not like the ice cream flavor in one parlor we put it in the “not to be chosen” category. If one person behaved with us rudely at one point in life, we blacklist him forever.
There are no constants in life; details change with time, even people evolve with time. Taking a decision about something or someone totally on basis of one moment of theirs that was registered is not very rational approach. With due caution and care we should always be ready to see through the change.
If someone or something was bad for you, let them go, part ways with them as well as their memories; later being more crucial. Negativity brought by those long gone incidents creep inside our psyche and do more harm to us that anyone else. It may not always be easy to forgive, though that being best; we can at least try the forget path and fill our new cleared space with more positive and happy things.
The more space we clear by deleting the negative episodes, there will be more storage available to add the positive ones. We should utilize limited storages prudently to keep space for better things that are yet to come.
So let us sit down and scan today for what is worth staying in our databases and what to delete permanently.

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