Answer the WHYs

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Human affinity with the orderliness is almost universal. We love when things go in linear fashion and appreciate the idea of things been taken care in seamless manner. This cent percent expectation of what and how we perceive things makes us uncomfortable on slightest hint of a WHY about those things. There may be lot of noise around openness and acceptance for inquisitiveness but we still lag the enthusiasm for reasoning the whys.
The following conversation is very common example that we can see around us. Any parent or guardian can relate to this easily. Kids are the experts of coming up with whys.
Elder: You should not say it this way; it is not the way to talk of someone elder.
Kid: Why?
This why finds us off guard, almost all of us fumble with it, and the reaction here is not always same in words but coherent in the discomfort we feel. Any of the below reasoning is chosen
Rather than giving reasons for your misbehave you should focus on changing
Because I say so (Most absurd one)
That is how it should be
The child here will never understand the logic as there is no logic given to him. The result is either he develops stubborn pattern that pays heed to nothing or submissive one that kills his curiosity. Both the scenarios are not the ones we want the society to grow into.
Why is it that difficult for the parent or guardian to tell him the reason? We can tell them that talking well with people keeps them happy and hurting someone is not a good thing, as we do not want someone to do that us. May be he can take a lesson from here and check his behavior next time. However, we make our demand sound like an authority and ask. Some may feel that it is not a very significant matter and is a routine way to handle a curious toddler. The point here is not only this scenario but the underlying pattern in our behavior where we fear to delve deep in our curiosities and take too much for granted.
This situation occurs almost everywhere when the asked whys are not comfortable to the person. The reason we shy away from the reasoning here is the fear to turn out to be on wrong side. We are fearful of losing the debate of right and wrong. Nevertheless, think of the illusion we carry if we are actually on wrong side. Why not accept it once and correct for every time henceforth?
The need for reasoning every resonating why is more for ourselves rather than others. By checking on the facts, we can also find what we are actually investing our ideology in and where we stand. There can be new learnings; life is all about evolving and learning something new, may be about the old stuff itself. It makes me recall a very recent incident I learned why paying heed to a why is important.
I am an addicted candy crush player (the game has been banned in my phone to avoid me stressing my eyes and neck with overplaying it). There is a particular frog like candy in some levels. Its usefulness I could never interpret. I assumed it a hindrance and played along never focusing on it. My brother in law once enquired me why is the frog candy placed is these levels. I said I do not know and showed no interest to find the reason. I ignored his cue but he persisted. After lot of persuasion, I gave way to reasoning his why. I said it does not swipe and I have tried swapping it. He took the phone and moved the frog candy. I was expressionless to see the way it can be moved across the board. One moment converted the worthless frog candy onto a useful help. That moment was a moment of openness and acceptance to a reasoning that questioned my established fact and wisdom about the game.
This happens along with us mostly and we keep missing it. There are many ways of doing same thing and when someone reasons our way we can always discuss the differences and results can be really enriching. Scope of healthy discussions is sign of growth oriented mindset and fights rigidity. Someone’s curiosity to know the details of something and reason behind it should not be termed as his arrogance or stubbornness. In-fact knowing the reason of something we carry with us gives us confidence and it becomes a live part of us rather than just a façade we carry on name of standards, traditions or rules.
Know the reason of what you are doing by asking a why from yourself first. Let us enquire more for the reason to connect better with our core.


Learner for life, from life

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