“We should put other’s interest above ours”; we all get to hear this cliché frequently around us. The moral yardstick measures our behavior as being selfish if we think about our wellbeing and desires. This over patronizing of the idea of being selfless and charitable drifts us away from our inner self. We get detached from our own needs and desires.
Irony is that we start putting the onus of our wellbeing and fulfillment on others around us. If the people around us fail in doing so we blame them for our discontent. We shift the responsibility for selfcare on others. Similarly, we dedicate ourselves in the welfare of the people around. We commit ourselves to the relations we are part of and take their fulfillment as our responsibility. However, when we are in discomfort, we can never do justice to our responsibilities towards others. If a well is full of water, then only it can help in quenching our thirst. A dry well can never do the same. Frustrated mindset can never help us to add happiness to others around. For becoming the channel of positivity and happiness we must first build the positivity and happiness within us. As mentioned in the scriptures also; “love that only manifests to the world around is not pure love, love must start from within”. Our first object of love should be we ourselves.
Tending to our own psychological needs does not mean being self-centered or cheating upon our responsibilities. It is an investment to become the optimistic and joyful self. If we cannot feel the pain within ourselves and be compassionate with self, there can never be genuine compassion for others. It can only be an act derived from the roles and responsibilities.
We can use below as ways to selflove
• Connect with self: Spend some me time; anything from 10 minutes to an hour is good to go. It may not be all at once. It can be small breaks in between the routine. This will help us to take hold of your feelings in hustle bustle of life. We may observe our psychological frame; the itch points that are bothering as well as the boosting moments. Using it wecan work on removing the negatives and build upon the more encouraging things around us.
• Spend on self: Investing in ourselves is our own responsibility. This investment can be of money, time or psychic. We should find out the things that we love and spend time or money on same. Even if we have constraints in doing so, mere acknowledgment and plan around can give us feeling of fulfilment. While arranging and planning for others; we should make room for our own desires. If weare not doing this in first place, we have no right to complain later.
• Taking care of self: Health is the biggest asset and it can turn out to be a restraint if not managed well. Our body is our first and last companion. It will stay with us forever. The pains and beauty of it will remain with us throughout, even if we want or not. The more we care for it, it will benefit us only. As said aptly “Healthy mind lives in healthy body”.
• Be compassionate to self: We are our worst critics. We measure ourselves on very harsh yardsticks. Usually it is on opposites; we either are too blind to our follies or too strict on each action. Both the methods are harmful, we need to give ourselves room to fail and recover. At the same time, we should be diligent enough to look for the fail points and work on same.
• Stop Comparing: This is easier said than done. It is natural to fall prey of the comparative analysis and start judging self. However, we should keep reminding ourselves to rise above it. Being ourselves and work on ourselves. Others are already busy doing that for themselves.
There can be many other ways. We all have our own ways. Whatever the method be, the center point should be your growth and nurturing. As they say in security directives to help yourself before helping others