“But dad, he will overtake my territory”
“Territory!!! Which territory, what are you talking about?”
“The castle game dad, you know there are territories we capture and rule, I play that with Anand”
“Ohh!!! The Castle game”
I heard the announcement for my station and got off the train. I could not get to hear the conclusion of the ongoing conversation, however I am sure the father would have convinced his son on not breaking the friendship over trivial matter. It is a very common commutation we hear in kids play zone.
But, one thing from this episode struck with me for longer. The depth of the sense of insecurity in humans. I could not look closely at the child, however he was not more than age of 7 years. At such a young age he could sense insecurity and need to secure his hypothetical territory. He chose to break the real relation over something virtual. Though for kids these thoughts are momentary and they settle the differences soon. But if we fast forward this to some years, and see the youth version of same episode.
In adults the sense of insecurity; someone overpowering us, someone stealing our job, someone getting our share of attention causes the connections to break permanently. The differences are cemented in the assumptions. Irony here is that just like the kid’s game, mostly in adult version also the reasons are virtual.
Given to our evolution history our ancestors lived through hardships. The dangers of the physical world, followed by the insecurities of food and shelter kept them on alert. The growth to advancement and a world full of resources has been gradual. Each era had its own reasons for insecurity and fear. Mostly they were related to physical world. Over the period, the physical hardships have reduced to minimal level; leaving the alertness genes idle. But the genes always come in play and hence now the insecurity is more psychological than physical.
Today we do not have to worry about the food in our plates but surely get irked seeing someone posting status of eating at a coveted restaurant. We may not have to stitch the clothes for self but the struggle to own the best brand label is keeping us more worried. And for those who grow beyond this, we are always worried about our position. The sense of insecurity at top levels causes battle in the borders or in the board rooms. The same sense of insecurity causes battle in our heads.
The problem with this insecurity is most of it is based on assumptions. Assumption about someone’s intentions, assumption about someone’s whole perspective. When communication is replaced by assumption it creates chaos in mind. At times it is by choice that we avoid the talk. There can be situational issues also. But in both cases the picture remains incomplete and our smart mind gives the picture its own shape. And believe it, we are capable of only thinking as much as we know. Limited and restricted to our narrow perspective.
We can never hope that situations will be ideal but the warrior always prepares for war and not peace. So prepare yourself in advance for the situation when this sense of insecurity creeps in. Follow the checklist to give it a reality check.
1. Does the person/scenario poses a physical threat to you?
2. Do you have something REAL to lose out to the situation/person?
3. If you are confused, choose to find a way for communication. Our mind is always more interested in what is not visible then to see what is visible. Don’t allow it to create its own version of unseen.
4. If none of above happens, move away from the whole situation and engage yourself with something else.
Under the Sun, there is ample space for each one of us to have our own share. We need not snatch from someone else or worry about its exhaustion. Work for your share and for that work on yourself.
To end it with a quote by Demi Lovato
“Insecurity kills all that is beautiful”