Situation: there is a difference of opinion between two friends. The debate gets heated. Meanwhile it is time for them to part ways for the day. Next day as the 2 friends meet, second one looked quiet distracted and did not communicate much with the first friend.
Meanwhile first friend is totally pissed off, sure that the other friend is carrying forward the animosity from the other day. He thinks that the person has been always like that. He always drags things and never understands his point of view. His rage is at peek and he has decided not to communicate this time and let it be.
“Let’s go for a cup of tea, I am totally exhausted”, the voice behind the dialog surprised the person. Both friends started towards the tea stall. Second friend informed that he had some major issue to handle from morning. It was exhausting and he could not even have his breakfast.
Such scenes are not rare. You may also have been part of such moments in your life. The story in the mind can go to higher levels and continue for longer periods. The longer the period between the mind game and actual communication, disastrous is the effect on relations. These thinking traps are result of our rigid and autopilot thought process. Each one of us develop a type of thinking, depending on our life scenarios, learning and mental attitude towards life. Whenever we have some abnormal situation, our mind’s autopilot response get triggered. The interpretation of situation is mostly emotional and depends on our thinking pattern. Mostly depending on your outlook towards life, your mind will show you the situation as below
If we try to be mindful about the way our mind reacts to any situation, we can see the pattern. There can be anyone of above being played out or a mix of them. However, mostly the pattern remains same. The problem with the thinking traps is:
• Irrational decisions
• We are too blinded to look at situation holistically
We get remote controlled by the autopilot mode of our mind. In worse scenarios, the autopilot thinking can lead to catastrophic outcomes. It is ironical that by the time we realize how made up the situation was, the real result of this is too permanent to change. We play in the hands of what our mind shows us rather than what the situation is.
This is the reason why at times we can predict how a person will behave in a particular type of situation. However at times the situations may look familiar but no 2 situations are always similar. There are so many variables, like the people involved, place and time. We should give each situation a rounded view before making any judgement. The ways to counter the thinking trap from overpowering us can be
• Being mindful: It is important to notice the trap as it starts. You can notice what triggers the thinking trap to come in action. Some particular behavior of someone, any particular sequence of events. When you are mindful, you can see it taking shape.
• Look for evidence: When your mind starts feeding assumptions and judgments to you, don the hat of a lawyer. Ask for evidence of that thought in this situation. Tell your mind why it can be wrong here.
• Give yourself time: Do not think about the situation right away. Distract yourself from the focus and do something else. With this gap at times, the things clear by themselves.
• Counter view: Give yourself some counterview, very opposite to what comes naturally to your mind. Show some better picture, it can be fictional but this helps to break the negative and anxious jinx going on in mind.
• Communicate: after settling your thoughts, the best part is to communicate. If the situation relates to some person, talk to him directly. If the situation relates to yourself, talk to someone reliable. You can communicate only for sharing or if you feel the need, you can take the opinions.
Ending with the deep words from Napz Cherub Pellazo
Clear out your thoughts, don’t believe everything you think,it might be a trap within
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