Humans are in continuous zest to learn, grow and become independent. We want to be self-sufficient from the earliest years of our lives. If we observe toddlers, they are always on the search for doing more and more things themselves. They demand to be allowed to eat themselves, bathe themselves. And this struggle to become more and more in control continues throughout life. In the learning process we unconsciously start becoming hard or may be start showing being tough. Asking for help is seen as equivalent to something like showing your weak spot to others.
We fear being judged as something on showing our vulnerabilities and asking for support. When we continue denying the support from people around us, gradually they withdraw. We may be keeping the hard shell outside but when in pain everyone needs the care. This care and support keep the psychological layer strong. In such a mindset we can face anything. But when we deny ourselves this psychological care, it aggravates the effect of pain.
While it is good to grow thick skin and not allow anyone to take advantage of the weak points. It is equally needed to build some emotional corners where you can find solace in hard days. It is okay to take rest and allow others to take care of yourself. Keeping your pain to yourself should not be seen as the act of valor and something to be proud of. It is rather an act of being harsh and negligent of your needs. At times we assign ourselves the role of the giver or server. We expect from ourselves to only give and serve people around us. Asking for help or saying our own needs appear to be like becoming a burden on others. Being vocal about your pain is seen as cribbing, complaining behavior.
We must not turn into clingy and complaint box type of person. Becoming overdependent on others is not advisable for sure. However, the other extreme of being too secretive about your pains is equally insane and unhealthy choice. We should work on firm independence in finance, psychological and practical matters. But, asking for help in times of need should not be seen as a sham. It is okay to accept the moment of discomfort.
Many a times people struggle to help such near and dear ones who make a hard shell around them. It is heart wrenching to see someone in pain but not ready to talk and take help. Not allowing someone to care for yourself puts the other person in helpless torturous position. We all want to be a helping hand, caring partner in all our relations. In being stiff, we somewhere devoid that pleasure to our partners.
As author Jocelyn Soriano says “Let others help you. You give honor to others not only by taking care of them, but by allowing them to take care of you”
Surround yourself with people who you can depend in times of physical and emotional aching. It is healthy and much needed exercise to unwind in someone’s company periodically. It helps to shed the burden and get more perspectives.