“What if she does not like this colour.”
“What if they already have this item in home.”
I am sure you can add numerous items to this list of what-ifs. The day-to-day decisions involve a lot of what-if loops. We try to evaluate as many possibilities as we can think of. Our aspiration to make a perfect decision guide us to think about everything before making the call.
Though this process can be said as a good one. It helps us to take safe decisions. It helps to some extent to avoid the pitfalls also. However, this has a problem. At times, it complicates the process too much. It may happen that the decision itself is sabotaged by the process. In such situations the final result is inaction.
This scenario does not only apply to bigger matters of life but also to simpler tasks like making a call to someone. Let us think about a situation. You want to talk to an old friend. Some current life situation reminded you of the friend. You have not talked to that friend for a long time. Suddenly you feel like contacting the friend and talk to him. You pick up the phone and start looking for his contact.
And before you click the “dial”, the loop triggers.
“What if he does not even value my effort of contacting. “
“What if he ignores me.”
“What if he does not even remember me.”
All of a sudden, you no more feel like calling. The friend’s reaction to your call will remain a mystery forever. If he would have rejoiced talking to you or maybe he might have already changed the contact no.
We all face these situations. To be thoughtful and making conscious decision is good. However, at times life calls for impromptu action also.
I am sure I have missed many such opportunities to the what-if loop. But as I write this article, one particular incident comes alive in memory.
I was once travelling by metro. It was my usual journey from office to home. There was the usual office hour rush at the interchange station. The escalator was crowded. So, I decided to use the stairs to climb the floor. The stairs were approximately 2 floors high. There was lady walking in front of me. The lady was carrying a bag which looked heavy. Her struggle was quite visible. The impromptu call from my heart was to offer her help by holding the bag on one side.
But then I thought, should I say it. Will she like it or no. she may suspect me for some ulterior motive. There would have been many more thoughts. I could not remember all but by the time I could decide we had already climbed 3/4 stairs. Somehow, I offered her to hold the bag. She was delighted by the offer and accepted it at once. As we climbed remaining stairs panting equally, she thanked me for help.
At that moment I thought of the time I had lost in making that decision. This is a very small incident and does not matter much in anyone’s life. However, when the decision making is fully focused outward, we tend to lose many such opportunities. Our decisions should be driven by our values, likings and aspirations. However, we focus more on what others will think or what they have done in past. Such thinking binds us and our decisions.
If we can focus more towards what we want to do and feel good about, we can be freer in our decisions. We surely can watch to not become selfish in our actions but with little effort we can balance both our freedom and being kind and inclusive.
