In my ten years of married life, I have become accustomed to raised eyebrows and surprised expressions on mention of very compassionate and healthy relationship with my mom-in-law. People get baffled to know how this can be possible, relation with in-laws is supposed to be complicated, it can be good but can never become a normal and placid one. It amazes me how we have parameterized the simple relationship between two people, irrespective of their individual approaches to it; we expect it to remain same in each case. We expect the same sequence of actions to roll out in each story.
This is somehow true for all relations. We give names to the relationships between two people and set rules and expectations for same.
It is natural to understand that every relation have its own behavioral expectations and limitations, but the base of every relationship is always created on the basics of kindness and respect for each other. We suffocate ourselves by creating boundaries in our relationships. Any relation whether it is with your in laws, kids ,siblings ,friends or co passengers can thrive and add positivism to life if we see below
• Respect : Respect is the baseline of every healthy relationship, not only with people but your surroundings in general. Respect should flow across all boundaries of age, social status or any other numerous man made boundaries. Lack of respect can kill any relation and abundance of same can bloom as many hearts.
• Expect Less : Expectations should be replaced with acceptances. As such expectations are not bad but create issue when it id unclear and confusing. Expectations in a team should be loud and clear.
• Lead the Communications : At times lag of open heart communication creates issues in a relationship when actually there had been no issue at all. Don’t ever wait for other person to take initiative to share your part of story.
• Assume Less : “I knew it” is overly used statement. We snap it as soon as the plate slips from the kids hand or whenever our spouse calls to inform he is running late for the time fixed to meet. We assume a lot about people, fixating the behavior on them. This blinds us from noticing the exceptions in their behavior and appreciating same. Be open to learn something new about your partner, human behaviour is deep and complex enough to keep you engaged.
• Thankful : No act is small for thanking; so use it as much as you can. Simple thankful gesture can channelize energy in people in tremendous ways.
• Intention : Intentions play significant role in defining the relations. Self centered approach can never lead to long and confident relations. There should always be focus on the holistic growth for all the involved partners. Give space to each other, don’t suffocate the relations with excess of yourself and your love and care.
• Open Mindedness : For the relations to grow in healthy way, we have to be generous for each other’s mistakes and patient with each other’s learning. We should give a open approach to understand each scenario and should not run a precursor of our reactions in every situation.
• Newness : Growth is a wonderful habit and should be exhibited in each relation. Learning and evolving with each other can create a wonderful ambiance. We should focus on engaging in enriching activities which all the partners value and cherish. Time spent with each other give individuals memories of togetherness. These memories connect us throughout life whether we remain near or far.
To end it, it has to be a try from both sides. The rules when applied from both sides can only lead to a fulfilling partnership. Struggles are part of life and hence puts our relations; formal or informal to test.
So having perfect relation is not to overcome struggles but something as said in below dialog from movie “Before we go”
“ There will always be struggle, we just have to chose whom we want to struggle with. ”